For the first time in a long time I met my friend Jay. Jay is married with a 4 year old child. We went to college together. We became friends even though he entered the university a year earlier than me, but since we are the same age. In Korea, it is difficult to become friends unless you are the same age.
I enjoy meeting Jay because we can talk about anything. Jay is the only friend I have to talk to on everything from daily life to global conflict.
Despite enjoying our conversations and liking him a lot, it became increasingly difficult to see him after he moved out of Seoul for a branch job, got married, and had kids.
“Hey, are you free this evening?”
He asked on a whim and I canceling a scheduled fitness class to meet up.
We met up and discussed marriage. While I was in the U.S., Jay got married in Korea, so I had never met his wife in person. As Jay discussed the challenges of his marriage, I contemplated what kind of spouse I would be.
Although I am not married and have no children, I try to be impartial by considering what his wife might say. What advice can I offer Jay about his marriage? Even so, I listen very carefully. When people make decisions alone, they are more likely to make choices they will regret later. I hope I was able to help my friend vent and make a good decision.
After eating, we walked around and talked about funny YouTube stories. Then we discussed watching a video about the Chungcheongdo dialect and our mutual friend, W.
The Chungcheongdo dialect relies heavily on euphemisms, which can lead to ambiguity in communication. For instance, when making plans with a friend, instead of clearly stating the time and place, one might say something vague like ‘I’ll see you then.’ While this approach may seem considerate, it can be frustrating for those who prefer to finalize details in advance.
Returning to W’s story, she was from Chungcheong-do, which Jay didn’t like. He felt uncomfortable with the ambiguity of not knowing whether he would see her or not, or whether they would get back together.
Jay now believes that if they were to get back together, they could get along, given his increased age and experience with the Chungcheongdo dialect.
As you age, you come to understand that many things in the world are beyond your control. You have less time and energy to worry about others, but you have more diverse experiences, allowing you to embrace more than before.
There’s a saying that
“Right place at the right time”
It’s a Buddhist saying that means everything happens in its own time. W and Jay are both good people, but at the time, when we were in our 20s and just starting college, we weren’t meant to be together.
We went to Tim Holtons, a new Canadian coffee brand in Korea, but it was so crowded that we had to move to Starbucks. We didn’t have any connection to Tim Holtons this time.
Max